How can Disney villains help you figure out how to love yourself unconditionally? Well…Disney has the story business figured out. We eat up their movies and merchandise that all stem from those amazing stories. If you’re a human that likes media even a tiny bit, you probably know at least a few of their stories. Disney usually uses the classic battle of good over evil. I think that is one reason that so many of us can relate to them. There is a vulnerable hero and a villain. Many times the hero’s parents have died, leaving us full of compassion and rooting for our heroes. But, the villain’s story isn’t often told. I have learned from A Course in Miracles that in life there is love and there is fear. I see the villains as being afraid and acting out defensively. They are actually calling out for love. Cinderella’s wicked step sisters are afraid that they are not as good or as beautiful as Cinderella, so in their jealousy and envy they hold her down and back from life. Scar is afraid that he is not as worthy as Simba and that Simba will take his chance for glory and so he attacks violently. Of course, it is all part of the story, but it happens in real life as well. Young girls insecure of their own worth, say horrible things about a new beautiful girl, because they are afraid that they won’t measure up. Young men sometimes fight violently to prove that they are on top of the social heap. I am not saying this is O.K. by any means; it is not an excuse for their actions, but an explanation that can help us understand and hopefully help us get to a place where fear can be processed in a higher way without harmful consequences. If we are willing to look at this differently, there is valuable learning for us all. Seeing villains in their fear and calling out for love can teach us empathy. Most of us identify with the villain at least some, but think or maybe hope, that we would not make their same choices. Everyday most of us have both the hero, love and the villain, fear living inside of us. We can feed the love, honor the love, and lean toward the love. But I believe we need to honor the fear side also. It is a real part of life for most of us. If we can learn to weather the fear storms and let them pass through us instead of fiercely resisting them, we can give ourselves the tremendous gift of peace and wellness, rather than suffering and searching for relief outside of ourselves. Here is a process that helps me weather fear storms, I am sharing it here, in hopes that it can help others. We are all made differently and thus somethings work differently for different people. Look for things that resonate and make sense to your soul.
5. Accept & Release Use this simple breathing technique: Breathe in, accept fear. Breathe out, release fear. Or, something else to help you process and release the fear energy. Crying can be a miraculous release. There is no shame in having fear, we all have it and we all carry it differently. Sometimes we think we should be able to control our fear and the emotions that come with it, but allowing them to flow through you, like a storm passing through, ends more peacefully than resisting fear and blocking it off. The energy needs to flow, otherwise the pressure builds and must be relieved in other ways like food, alcohol, or rage. Accepting and loving our fear or our villain side is vital to unconditional love of our selves. If we only love our hero side that is conditional love. It says we can only be loved when we are standing fully in love. But, if we can love ourselves in our villain side, when we are standing in fear, that is truly unconditional love. Using this process helps allow fear storms to pass through us, leaving us with more peace and joy and clear eyes to see the rainbow of unconditional love and our worth that came with it. The rainbow is just the light dispersed through a prism. It is the same light that was always there, just a different way of looking at it that makes it visible. The same goes for our worth, it was always there, and sometimes we need a different way to look at it. Kim Trotto is a life and wellness coach. If you'd like to work on Going from Doubt and Fear to Peace and Happiness, schedule a free 20 minute Discovery Call, click this link to see if we would be a good fit for working together.
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Getting rid of shame is important for the journey to worthiness. Worthiness and shame are connected. If we feel ashamed, we probably feel like we are unworthy of love, of our relationships, maybe even of past achievements. Definitely of future things we would like to accomplish. Shame shuts us down before we even begin. It gets in the way of dreaming of possibilities, blocking us from our heart’s desires. I’ve carried a shame story for most of my life in one way or another. As a young, overweight girl, I felt burning shame when kids made fun of me, which created a vicious cycle since I sought relief in food. In my wilder teen years I made unhealthy relationship choices that brought more shame. There was a constant tempo in my head shouting, “I’ll never be good enough.” I’d learn some soul lessons and gain some confidence but there was always another failure. I would end up giving my power to the failure and inside of my power, I handed over my worth along with it. It took some deep soul work to move past this and help me get rid of the shame that wasn't serving me, it only stifled me. I had to learn the language of worthiness. The first and most important step is to unlearn the language of unworthiness, the negative self-talk that can be incessant in many of our heads. I call it shugly talk. It is from the shadows and is ugly. So ugly that we would never utter the shugly words to our enemies, but we allow them to move freely and abundantly in our heads. Once I worked on unlearning unworthiness, I could use affirmations to help learn the new language of worthiness. Like, “I am willing to see myself differently” or “I totally and completely love myself unconditionally.” Often we think that we should be able to control the negative behavior or thinking. This brings shame, if we are unable to control it. Like if we are unable to control binge eating or the shugly thoughts in our heads. If you sense that shame is a part of the negative thinking and behavior, processing the shame can help quiet it. Processing Shame Step 1: Acknowledge it as shame. Hey, shame, here we are. Step 2: Be willing to look at the situation differently. This helps in many situations to bring light to options that had been blocked. Step 3: Choose to stand in love with the shame. This is the action part. Realize that you don’t have to run from your shame. Running from it is ignoring it, covering it up with defenses, or choosing to live a lesser life than what we truly want for ourselves. Fight or flight is not the only option. We can choose to stand in unconditional love for ourselves. This opens the door to see a better possibility. Breathe into it. Feel the shame. Realize where the shame came from. “Oh, that’s the little girl, overweight and ashamed.” Breathe. Then shift to feeling unconditional love for yourself. Feel it from your heart center, radiating out. Breathe into it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. Step 4: Ask your inner light what is the shame’s meaning for you? Ask, what is the message that it wants you to know to relieve you? This message can give us hope, which is ultimately what we need. The message that came through from my inner light is that I am worthy and not a failure. I use this as a mantra. Remembering the message from deep inside of me that I am worthy and not a failure gives me hope and frees me to move forward. Processing shame is really a practice. Whatever we focus on and practiced is strengthened. We may be able to process it and it disappears for a while, but it will probably creep back in. But, I have good news, beautiful ones, we have this process so we can do it again, to get rid of the shame, until we feel free. I hope this serves you! Kim Trotto is a life and wellness coach. If you'd like to work on Going from Doubt and Fear to Sure Awesomeness, schedule a free 20 minute Discovery Call, click this link to see if we would be a good fit for working together. |
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August 2018
AuthorI was a school teacher for 20 years and am a lifetime soul learner. I am still a teacher, just a different curriculum. |