Getting rid of shame is important for the journey to worthiness. Worthiness and shame are connected. If we feel ashamed, we probably feel like we are unworthy of love, of our relationships, maybe even of past achievements. Definitely of future things we would like to accomplish.
Shame shuts us down before we even begin. It gets in the way of dreaming of possibilities, blocking us from our heart’s desires.
I’ve carried a shame story for most of my life in one way or another. As a young, overweight girl, I felt burning shame when kids made fun of me, which created a vicious cycle since I sought relief in food.
In my wilder teen years I made unhealthy relationship choices that brought more shame. There was a constant tempo in my head shouting, “I’ll never be good enough.”
I’d learn some soul lessons and gain some confidence but there was always another failure. I would end up giving my power to the failure and inside of my power, I handed over my worth along with it.
It took some deep soul work to move past this and help me get rid of the shame that wasn't serving me, it only stifled me. I had to learn the language of worthiness. The first and most important step is to unlearn the language of unworthiness, the negative self-talk that can be incessant in many of our heads.
I call it shugly talk. It is from the shadows and is ugly. So ugly that we would never utter the shugly words to our enemies, but we allow them to move freely and abundantly in our heads.
Once I worked on unlearning unworthiness, I could use affirmations to help learn the new language of worthiness. Like, “I am willing to see myself differently” or “I totally and completely love myself unconditionally.”
Often we think that we should be able to control the negative behavior or thinking. This brings shame, if we are unable to control it. Like if we are unable to control binge eating or the shugly thoughts in our heads.
If you sense that shame is a part of the negative thinking and behavior, processing the shame can help quiet it.
Step 1: Acknowledge it as shame.
Hey, shame, here we are.
Step 2: Be willing to look at the situation differently.
This helps in many situations to bring light to options that had been blocked.
Step 3: Choose to stand in love with the shame.
This is the action part. Realize that you don’t have to run from your shame. Running from it is ignoring it, covering it up with defenses, or choosing to live a lesser life than what we truly want for ourselves.
Fight or flight is not the only option. We can choose to stand in unconditional love for ourselves. This opens the door to see a better possibility.
Breathe into it. Feel the shame. Realize where the shame came from. “Oh, that’s the little girl, overweight and ashamed.” Breathe.
Then shift to feeling unconditional love for yourself. Feel it from your heart center, radiating out. Breathe into it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
Step 4: Ask your inner light what is the shame’s meaning for you? Ask, what is the message that it wants you to know to relieve you?
This message can give us hope, which is ultimately what we need.
The message that came through from my inner light is that I am worthy and not a failure. I use this as a mantra. Remembering the message from deep inside of me that I am worthy and not a failure gives me hope and frees me to move forward.
Processing shame is really a practice. Whatever we focus on and practiced is strengthened. We may be able to process it and it disappears for a while, but it will probably creep back in. But, I have good news, beautiful ones, we have this process so we can do it again, to get rid of the shame, until we feel free.
I hope this serves you!
Kim Trotto is a life and wellness coach. If you'd like to work on Going from Doubt and Fear to Sure Awesomeness, schedule a free 20 minute Discovery Call, click this link to see if we would be a good fit for working together.
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I was a school teacher for 20 years and am a lifetime soul learner. I am still a teacher, just a different curriculum.