Does this sound familiar to you…I was trying so desperately to be perfect in every possible way.
I wanted to look perfect, be the perfect wife, mom, daughter, teacher, friend, money manager, house manager, food manager…the list goes on and on.
Now I realize I was working so hard at being perfect because I thought being perfect would make others love me. I was trying to prove my worth because I so desperately wanted to believe it.
I wasn’t giving anyone much credit, others or myself. I thought that I had to be perfect, that I had to do something really cool for them to love me.
I even had this crazy fantasy about how once I had done something really cool and had made tons of money; I would invite all of the friends I had ever known to one huge party.
It wasn’t that I wanted to show off to them. It was that I thought I would be finally worthy of their friendship again. How crazy that I thought I couldn’t connect with people that were actually my friends from a long time ago.
It reminds me of a hamster wheel, where the hamster is forever chasing unreasonable standards, not just high standards, but unreasonable perfectionist standards. He’ll never get there just like we’ll never get to perfection because it is impossible to get there and still have a happy life for at least the large majority of us mere mortals.
When things in my life fell apart, I recognized that being perfect never really mattered anyways. I was trying as hard as I could and it fell apart anyways. Maybe part of the reason that it fell apart was that I was trying so hard to be beyond judgement.
Human imperfections can be the most lovable parts of people. They show vulnerability and if they come with happiness, it makes it even easier to love. Everyone loves the underdog. The one that doesn’t have it all together, but is still willing to go for it!
Looking back I can see things more clearly. I can see that I had to realize that I didn’t have to prove my worth, so I could share that message with others.
And here is the best and biggest part, being imperfect and accepting it gives ourselves permission to be unconditionally loved! If we are perfect all the time, we don’t allow ourselves to be unconditionally loved in our failures. We are sending the message that I am only lovable if I am faultless.
Imperfection liberates us. It helps us let go of worrying about what others think about us or how they may judge us. Of course, people are still going to judge us, that is what they have been taught to do by our culture. It’s not going to stop.
Nonetheless, we don’t have to pick up their judgement. We don’t have to acknowledge it at all. Just accept that many will judge, but we won’t give our power to their judgement. If we don’t acknowledge it at all, it is as if it doesn’t exist in our world. It lives only in the judge’s mind. We don’t have to give it space in ours.
We get to let the judgement go. Use my Accept & Release method. Breathe in, accept. Breathe out, release.
This it is one of the most freeing things we can do. Our wings that had been heavy and wet with angst suddenly dry and open so we can soar blissfully home. There may be bumps in our flawed flight home, but we will be happy and that’s all we ever wanted.
Remember, it’s just one breath. Breathe in, accept. Breathe out, release.
Kim Trotto is a life and wellness coach. If you'd like to work on Going from Doubt and Fear to Sure Awesomeness, schedule a free 20 minute Discovery Call, click the link to see if we would be a good fit for working together.
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I was a school teacher for 20 years and am a lifetime soul learner. I am still a teacher, just a different curriculum.